Out of courtesy, sharks never attack lawyers.
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Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
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“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
“My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
A young lawyer says to ones of his colleagues:
-A lawyer is the freest creature in the world.
He’s not dependent of nothing except of his clients, his colleagues, judge and of the High Court...!
Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.
Jerry is charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquits him.
Later that day Jerry comes back to speak to the judge that tried his case.
‘Your Honour,’ he says. ‘I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.’
‘Why?’ asks the judge.
‘He won your acquittal.
Why do you want to have him arrested?’
Jerry replies, ‘I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so the bastard went and took the car I stole.’
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
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Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem.
He replied that he paid it back right after his first case.
When asked how he managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."
A doctor and a lawyer are involved in a car crash.
The lawyer, seeing that the doctor is a little shaken up, offers him a drink from his hip flask.
The doctor accepts, has a drink and hands back the flask.
The lawyer puts it in his pocket.
‘Aren’t you having one yourself?’ asks the doctor.
‘Sure,’ says the lawyer. ‘But I’ll wait till after the police leave.’