Out of courtesy, sharks never attack lawyers.
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Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
New Jersey got to pick first.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
The vampire sucks you’re blood only at midnight!
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair,your honour," he replied.
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity.
If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.
A: What's the difference between a lawyer and an undertaker?
B: A Lawyer doesn't mind getting his hands dirty while burying his victims.
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck.
Some time went by, and the case got to court.
The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"
The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him."
Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?"
I said, "I never felt better in my life."