Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
A: It depends how hard you throw them.
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A desperate man enters a bar and says:
All the lawyers are stupid!!!
From a table a solid man rises up and goes to the desperate man:
Take that back!
Why? Are you a lawyer?
No, I’m stupid...
A lawyer with insomnia consults his doctor.
‘Which side is it best to lie on?’ he asks.
‘The side that pays your fee,’ replies the doctor.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?
A: A great place to start.
Two lawyers are walking down the road when they see a beautiful woman walking towards them.
‘What a babe,’ one says.
‘I’d sure like to screw her!’
‘Really?’ replies the other.
‘Out of what?’
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant.
"Well that's not an crime", said the judge!
"How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened", answered the prisoner.
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.
The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100."
The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
A lawyer is paid £950 in new bills but, on counting the money, he discovers that two notes have stuck together and he’s been overpaid by £50.
This leaves him with an ethical dilemma – should he tell his partner?
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill.