Q: What does Barbie use as a tampon?
A: A Tic-Tac.
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I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
Q: What's the difference between an Indian and a toilet?
A: The toilet smells good when it gets cleaned.
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A lickalotopis
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
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My girlfriends dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him:
"Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!"
"I do not want," says the little one.
"Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful."
"I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest.
"My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow."
And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
Why do guys think more then girls, and why do girls talk more then guys?
Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips.
A Russian guy comes across a bottle of vodka on the street.
He picks it up and a genie comes out, "You are my master. You now have one wish."
The Russian man says, "I would like to piss vodka."
When the he gets home, he tells his wife to get two glasses.
She asks what they'll be drinking.
He tells her he can piss vodka and demonstrates for her.
It was the best vodka they'd ever had.
The next night the Russian guy comes home tired and tells his wife to get one glass.
She asks, "Why only one glass?"
"Because tonight," he says, "you should drink from the bottle."