A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.
After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down a little.
The gentleman said 'Stop or slow down, what's the difference?'.
The cop pulled the guy out of the car and worked him over for about a minute and then said, 'Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?'
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What Not to Say to a Policeman:
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize I was driving.
Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
You look just like my girlfriend's deadbeat ex-husband.
The question is do YOU know why you pulled me over?
I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it's miles ahead of me.
If you have to ask if I've been drinking, I'm not going to tell you, dude.
It wasn't my fault -- when I reached down to roll this joint, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged under the brake pedal.
That's a sweet 9mm. You want to hold my .44 magnum?
If I'd known I was getting a full body cavity search, I would have waxed!
A man fell out of a tenth-story window.
He's lying on the ground with a big crowd around him.
A cop walks over and says, "What happened?"
The guy says, "I don't know, I just got here."
Girl Cop: "You have to right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be used against you."
Guy: "Boobs!"
Two robbers were robbing a hotel.
The first one said, "I hear sirens.
Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.
Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
A cop stopped a drunk at about dawn.
The cop asked, "Can you explain why you're out at this hour?"
"If I could," the drunk said, "I'd be home by now!"
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?”
“Yep.”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call.
I need my garden plowed.”
The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.
"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.
"Mister," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"