Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
Q.How do you catch a polar bear? A.You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear comes along and stops for a pea,you kick it in the ice hole.
Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell "Crocodile"? Billy: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' Teacher: No, that's wrong Billy: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
Who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion? Answer - neither, Chuck Norris would beat them both with a single round-house-kick.
Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side…
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical? A: Fiddler on the hoof.
What kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster. (Try saying that fast!)