Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter.
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
Why is manna from heaven like horse hay? Both are food from aloft!
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah.
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
Yo Momma is so fat… That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.