Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet?
A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
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Yo mommas so stupid when she licked a dog she said meow.
Why was the racehorse named Bad News?
Because bad news travels fast!
Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
How do you know when a crab is drunk?
It walks forwards.
Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear?
A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
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Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?"
Kangaroo: "I can't find my children"
Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?"
Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
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How do you tell if a black girls pregnant?
Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
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A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina.
In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital.
When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out."
The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50.
After a long pause, the couple agreed.
The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in.
After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?"
The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh-
Moooooo!
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats.
Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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