Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet?
A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
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Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
Answer: Lipstick.
David received a parrot for his birthday.
The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary.
Every other word was an obscenity.
Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude.
David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked.
He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back.
He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments.
He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet.
David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.”
David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?
A dandy lion.
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A runny bunny.
What did the flower say to be the bee?
"Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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Q. Why don't lions eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues?
Because he had a stinking cold.
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.
Scooby Doo prefers Norris snacks'.
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