Joke #10765

Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
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What did the mooron say when he saw the milk cartons in the grass? "Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"
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A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were camping in a backwoods section of Maine. Early one morning, the two went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim and shot the female. "Whatdidja do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!" "Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, friendship, lawyer
A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from Phantom of the opera. "When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly "we’re going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune." Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate. At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender. In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper The edmonton sun, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe. "Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are everywhere."
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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, music, prison, work
What did one skunk say to another? And so do you.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand? A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp.
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has 27.81 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, racist
Roses are red, Violets are blue, faces like yours belong in a zoo. Don't worry I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
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has 75.78 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, poems, ugly
Q: What's worse than ants in your pants? A: Uncle.
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has 51.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex
Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, game
Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
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has 73.18 % from 381 votes. More jokes about: animal, drug, sex