A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”. The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring.
A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
No chicken dies a virgin. They get laid at birth *slaps knee*.
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
What’s the difference between cats and dogs? Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get? Half and half.
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Q: What is a zebra? A: A horse behind bars.