Joke #10069

How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented? They were very impressed.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal

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How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed? You can smell the carrots on his breath.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk? A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
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has 50.81 % from 194 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, food
A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. He drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my dick and pull yourself up.” And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes!
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal
Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
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has 42.06 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, fish, game
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when I walked past your fence, she came out barking.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
What did the calf say to the silo? "Is my fodder in there?"
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine." His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine." Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
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has 75.73 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, sex, wife
Do you know the difference between a postal box and a monkey's arse? Well if you don't know I will never ask you to post a letter for me.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, mean
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is." The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink. The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog." Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor. The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat." The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat. The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?" The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist."
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, money
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here." "You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk." "Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks. "The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?" "Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!" "And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" "I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties." The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you." As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
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has 62.43 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, sport