How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?
They were very impressed.
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When is a farmer like a magician?
When he turns his cow into pasture.
Question: Why does Tigger smell?
Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?"
"I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!"
"Help me please, please help!"
How far can a rabbit run into the woods?
Halfway.
After that she's running out of the woods.
This guy from up north just up and one day moved down south to start himself a farm.
He came across this man and asked him where he could get a good donkey to pull a cart and plow.
The man said I've got just what you need.
Only thing is down here we don't call them donkeys we call them an ass.
He said when this ass stops you'll have to get off the cart and slap them to get it going again.
The northern man thanks him and heads on his way.
He comes up to a man seeking chickens.
He says to the man, I'd like to buy a rooster and a hen.
The guy sai d sure thing but down here we don't call em roosters and hens.
We call them a cock and a pullet.
The man from up north says ok, thanks the man and is on his way.
He going along in his cart when his donkey stops in the middle of the road.
He remembers what the man said he had to do to get it going.
Just then a lady is walking by.
So he walks up to her and says, "excuse me miss, but will you hold my cock and pullet while I slap my ass."
Vote:
Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert?
A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
Vote:
Chuck Norris bit a spider once then it became Spiderman!
Vote:
Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
Why do rabbits go to the beauty parlor?
For hare care.