What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper?
A Brontosnorus.
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Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.
Q: Why can't black kids play in the the sandbox?
A: Because the cats keep covering them up.
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How does a leopard change its spots?
When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.
Two hikers are out hiking.
All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.
The second hiker says, "What are you doing?"
The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a run for it."
The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear?
The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
Pavlov walks into a bar.
The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.
He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped again.
He was frightened.
Frantically, he looked all around.
In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller, Jesus."
Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover?
A: His ass!
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.