What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper?
A Brontosnorus.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke.
Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
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What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?
Udder chaos.
Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer?
A: Show us your calves!
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever.
Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.
When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?”
Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.
However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”