What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper?
A Brontosnorus.
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How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?
They were very impressed.
Q: Why did the duck go to Brooklyn?
A: To buy some quack.
A man walks into a bar, after buying a beer he looks around the bar and sees three men and a dog playing cards.
Amazed, the man wanders over and starts watching the game.
Aftere watching the game for ten minutes, the man leans over to one of the other player's and whispers "
Wow, that's a really smart dog!".
The man whispers backs "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail!"
Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A: They have cotton balls.
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk.
But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.
He put the alligator up on the bar.
He turned to the astonished patrons and said, "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute."
He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head.
The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up at the end of the bar and a woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle."
Which rabbits were famous bank robbers?
Bunny and Clyde.
Chuck Norris won the Kentucky derby, on a Unicorn.
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Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina?
A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.
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Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear?
A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
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