What's green and eats nuts?
Syphilis.
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What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan?
Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
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Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water?
A: A soggy butt.
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Him: "I'm going to come and see you, I don't care about the gas prices or anything I'm coming to no matter what."
Her: "Aw okay, I'm going to get ready."
Him: "I love you, I can't wait to see you, I'm getting ready to leave."
Her: "Okay honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know."
Him: "My car just blew up, I can't come see you."
Her: "Get your friend to bring you, he always does."
Him: "He got shot I can't come, sorry."
Her: "Never mind I'm not on my period, my panties are just red."
Him: "My boy said he is okay, he's going to take me, I'm going."
Her: "I'm really on my period."
Him: "Damn! He got shot again..."
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Joke has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, friendship, love, relationship
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
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What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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A farmer and a son live on a farm.
The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid.
He is so excited because he's just milked a cow.
Then he takes a big drink from the glass.
His father just stares at him.
"Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."
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How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
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"How are your hemorrhoids?"
"Swell."
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Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.
"Incredible!," says his friend.
"Medical science is amazing."
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.
Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.
"Incredible!," says his friend.
"Medical science is amazing!"
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.
Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him.
He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday."
The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
Q: What has two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a cat.
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