What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.
Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
A vacuum salesman goes door-to-door in a new neighborhood. When a woman answers the door at the first house, the salesman walks right in and drops cow patties on her floor. He says, "Ma'am, just to show you how confident I am in the quality of my vacuums, I'll eat whatever the vacuum doesn't pick up." The woman smiles and asks, "Could I get you some ketchup with that?" The salesman scoffs confidently and says, "I assure you my vacuums have more power than any other on the market today!" The woman replies, "Well, that may be so, but we just moved in and the electricity isn't turned on yet."
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
How many dead babies can fit in a barrel? 4 1/2.
Q: Why are men like diapers? A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common? A: They just didn't listen
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? A: Gulp.