What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.
Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"
Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water? A: Swimmers are farting.
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
What's gross? Farting in the bathtub. What's grosser than that? Catching the bubbles with your teeth.
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church? A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.
What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia? A cancelled Czech!
What bounces up and down at 100mph? A baby tied to the back of a truck.