What's green and eats nuts?
Syphilis.
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Similar jokes
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3 bums were outside a bar.
The first one went in and asked for a fork.
The second one went in and also asked for a fork.
Then the third one went in and wanted a straw.
At this point, the bartender became curious.
"How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?"
"Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."
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Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.
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Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby?
A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
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I was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door.
He said, "Can I see your ticket please?"
"Not right now" I shouted, "I'm having a shit!"
He said, "I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?"
"No problem," I said, sliding it under. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn."
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A farmer and a son live on a farm.
The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid.
He is so excited because he's just milked a cow.
Then he takes a big drink from the glass.
His father just stares at him.
"Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."
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Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
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What's grosser than gross?
A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!
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LaShaunda had just given birth to a daughter and discussed possible names with her hospital roommate, LaQoowanga.
LaShwanda mentioned a name she had heard in the doctor's office, "Vagina".
When the hospital personnel asked her what name to put on the birth certificate, LaShaunda said "Vagina". "You can't name your baby that!"
"Don't disrespect me! I be her mama.
I can names her anything I want."
When the hospital person tried to explained what the name meant, LaShaunda said, "No, No! that's a cootchie!"
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Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
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