Q: Did you hear about the annoying midget who went to a nudist colony? A: He kept getting in everyone's hair.
What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea? One's a cunning runt.
Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count? Eminem has to chew before swallowing.
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.
Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?" A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I DID.. want to complain to me?" "No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"
Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water? A: A soggy butt.
Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician standing at the top of a slide. The magician said, "You may each go down the slide and ask for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide, you shall land in a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, "Beer!" He landed in a glass of beer. The second man went down yelling, "Lemonade!" He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy man down the slide yelling, "Wee!"
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo? Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first. Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz. Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p? Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!
There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water. The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood. The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"