A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?" The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips." The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?" Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."
What's grosser than gross? Ten babies in one mail box. What's grosser than that? One baby in ten mailboxes. What's grosser than that? Biting into a pickle and finding a vein. What's grosser than that? A cheerleader doing a split and sticking to the floor. What's grosser than that? A girl thinking she has crabs only to find it's fruit flies because her cherry rotted.
One day in the city a bus driver was making his usual stops. At the first stop a woman came to the front of the bus to get off. She turned to the bus driver and said, "I think I was just molested back there." The bus driver looked at her and said, "Not on my bus. You couldn't have been." So, he lets her off and drives on. He comes to the next stop and another woman comes to the front to get off. She, too, looks at the bus driver and says, "I think I was just molested back there." Now the bus driver thinks that something has to be wrong, to get two complaints like this in one day is just unheard of. He gets up out of his seat and goes to the back of the bus. To his surprise there is a bald guy crawling on the floor on his hands and knees. The bus driver says, "Sir, what are you doing?" The man looks at him and says, "I lost my toupee. I thought I found it twice, but I lost it again."
What's black, smells and has 17 tits? The bin bags outside the breast cancer ward.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room? A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
What’s harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree? Nailing it to a dead puppy.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary? A: It runs in your genes.
When you're neckin' with yer honey And your nose is kinda runny You might think it's funny... But it's not.
What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass.
Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? A: The big hand touches the little one.