At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.
One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”
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A private was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.
‘You can take your choice, Private – one month’s restriction or twenty days’ pay,’ said the officer.
‘All right, sir,’ said the bright soldier, ‘I’ll take the money.’
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked.
"Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically.
"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice.
And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.
But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
Q: How do Columbians develop muscle?
A: By pushing drugs.
When Chuck Norris goes to the gym the treadmill sweats.
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What is the best job in a country which is war-prone?
"Foreign ambassador."
Q: What do you call an afghan virgin
A: Never bin laid on.
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Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.
If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, he doesn't sweat.
The weights do.
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Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store?
A: Somebody told him he was ripped!
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America doesn't need a military...
We've got Chuck Norris
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