At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.
One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”
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An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy?
You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass?
You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs.
I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank.
I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up.
I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo ?
A: B-52...F-16...A-10.
Q: What exercise do Hairdressers do in the gym?
A: Curls.
Do you know why women aren't allowed in space?
To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"
"What is the problem?"
"Yeah, great, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!"
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me,
"Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it."
I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
Vote:
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.
If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
Q:What not to say to the nice policeman?
A:I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.”
The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge…no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line!”
No time for gym?
Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby.
Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Sam", he demanded.
"No !" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.
"NO !!!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.