A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he ot it. He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked. “YES, YES, YES!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!” said the first bat, “Because I fucking didn’t!”
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii? Moo moos.
Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret? He was a blubber mouth.
What are cat-erpillars afraid of? Dog-erpillars.
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?? She threw it off a cliff.
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath? A little bear.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? (A teddy boar!)
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"