When should you feel sorry for a skunk? When its spray pump is out of order!.
What goes black white black white...? A penguin rolling down a hill! What's black and white and laughing? The penguin who pushed him!
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!
What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!!
Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother. "Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills." "I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her." "I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to." A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald - the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton - the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old. But Robert - you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious."
The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air-craft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight. The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab. They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.
Q: why did the cow cross the road? A: So he could pass the milkyway.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown? Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin.
Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.