“Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ‘em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”
Why was the little bear so spoiled? Because its mother panda d to its every whim.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
How could the dolphin afford to buy a house? He prawned everything.
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."
How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group? Look for gray hares.
If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.