Chuck Norris is reading all these jokes and thinking to himself: They make me sound like a pussy.
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When Chuck Norris goes to the cinema, he changes the movies with his remote control.
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats.
Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.
Too bad he has never cried.
Ever.
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Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
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Chuck Norris can win a game of chess by saying "Yahtzee!"
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Chuck Norris once spent a month in El Paso one night.
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Chuck Norris wears sunglasses not to protect his eyes from the sun, but to protect the sun from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris destroyed the Lord of Rings. Twice.
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Chuck Norris once beat the sun at a staring contest.
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