What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common? They both shower after three periods!
Prostitute 1: Tonight's my night I can smell c**k in the air. Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.
What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow. The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow's butt, and blew into the tube until the cow's eyes straightened out. The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy. About a week later, the cow's eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired hand over, and together they put a tube up the cow's butt. The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked his hired hand to give it a try. The hired hand removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow's butt and started to blow. "What are you doing?" asked the farmer, horrified. "Well, I wasn't gonna use the side that YOU had put your lips on."
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?" A: It hasn't come out yet.
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public? A: A private tooter.