An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence.
So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat.
He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?"
The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
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There was a man who just got out of the army.
He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house.
He told the women, "Gimme anything you got."
So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside."
She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom.
10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again.
He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?"
She says, "I picked off all the scabs."
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Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
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Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself.
Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!"
Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."
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What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
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Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.
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A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate.
So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews' priceless pocket watch.
Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too.
Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week.
Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each.
The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he's about to announce the amount, he drops the watch.
"S**t!" It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.
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The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants;
I asked her "Is it thick?"
She said "yes dear."
Again I asked: "Is it warm?"
She replied: "yes honey."
Then I asked: "Is it soft?"
She said, "yes of course."
"It is my shit!" I told her.
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Joke has 53.73 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it’s head.
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There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor.
The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine.
The next day the doctor called and the wife answered.
"I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said.
"I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample".
After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"
"He needs a pair of your underwear".
Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse?
He got a twat in the face.
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