An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common? A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."
After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears. What am I? Ugly!
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch penis? A: "Partially disabled."
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.
Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave. The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.