A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs:
"Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"
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The doctor gave me one year to live.
So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
And the judge gave me 15 years.
Problem solved.
A patient: "Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal."
Doctor: "Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit."
(After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines).
Doctor: "Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."
God created universe, Chuck Norris created God.
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A man walks into a chemist’s and says, "Can I have a bar of soap, please?"
The chemist says, "Do you want it scented?"
And the man says, "No, I’ll take it with me now."
Doc, isn't it harmful to drink a shot before eating?
No it's not, if you don't eat too often..
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.
What is the difference between pressure, anxiety and panic attacks?
You have pressure when your wife is pregnant.
You are anxious when your girlfriend is pregnant.
You have panic attacks when both of them are pregnant!
You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts...
Man, and do you have life?
OMG, No! Could you send me a link?
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Can I help you?
No.
I just waited in the line for 30 minutes to say Hi.
We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies.
We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.
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