"Knock Knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Europe."
"Europe who?"
"No you're a poo."
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An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years.
During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies.
After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party.
Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
I've recently got a stalker.
He's everywhere all the time.
And his thing is that he sends other people to profess his love for me.
So I can be walking down the street and all of a sudden a lady will appear screaming: "JESUS LOVES YOU."
Life’s a bitch, and then you’re reincarnated.
Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?"
Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
Vote:
Daughter: Mom,does God go to bathroom?
Mom: Why? my child..
Daughter: Today in the morning I heard papa said, "Please God let me go to the bathroom..."
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree?
A: A rice bush.
Q: What is height of forgetfulness?
A: Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
An elderly couple are in church.
The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart.
What should I do?"
The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"