A director’s wife hears that her husband has a new secretary.
The director comes home and the wife starts putting questions:
Does this new secretary of yours have nice legs?
I don’t know.
What color do her eyes have?
I didn’t notice...
But about dressing, how does she dress?
Very fast...
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How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
Chuck Norris can experience a once in a life time occurrence... twice.
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-How is Ruth?
-Not sure. I broke up with her last month.
-Oh no. You're so Ruthless.
-And how long have you been waiting to use that?
-I'd rather not say.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Opportunity!
That is impossible. Opportunity doesn't come knocking twice!
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If you're under the age of 25 and you think your life sucks then you better brace yourself....
Life has only given you the TIP of its Dildo.
Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking."
Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
Teens are at an awkward stage in their lives.
They know how to make phone calls they just don't know how to end them.
TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freemans life
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Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?"
"No, I'm still alive."
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