Joke #2535

A director’s wife hears that her husband has a new secretary. The director comes home and the wife starts putting questions: Does this new secretary of yours have nice legs? I don’t know. What color do her eyes have? I didn’t notice... But about dressing, how does she dress? Very fast...

Chuck can use "save" in real life. But he doesn't need it.

Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.

Life is all about mind and matter - I don't mind and You don't matter...

My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day. She showed it to me, and it was BDSM. She asked me "What we should do?" Me: "Probably not spank him." She belted me with the magazine. Now I know where he gets it from.

What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry.

Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg." Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."

Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."

We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.

A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.

How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.