How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
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You might be a redneck if you think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
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Never hold in a fart; that's something an asshole would do.
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A little old man who's hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can't hear very well, he takes his wife with him.
The doctor examines the man and then says, "Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample."
The old man turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife replies, "He said he wants your underwear."
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The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like.
"A cup of boiled water please"
"Water? I thought you guys drank blood"
"Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire while taking out a tampon.
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Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
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Two men work in a mortuary.
One says to another, "You should see that woman they brought in today.
She'd been in the water for a week.
Her clit was like a pickle."
"Ew!" says the other fellow.
"It was green?"
"No, it was sour!"
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Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?"
A: It hasn't come out yet.
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Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead?
A: Depth perception.
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
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I love cats – they taste just like chicken.
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