How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
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A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and took a seat beside me.
After some moments I dared to ask her: "Excuse me lady do you mind me please to ask you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife."
The lady responded: "It is Chanel and from Paris."
After about ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out.
Some seconds later she broke and said: "Offf... what is this smell my God"?
I said: "Gar lic and from Gilroy city in California."
What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll?
Bait!
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What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
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I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower.
How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
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I love cats – they taste just like chicken.
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An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife.
After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $600 and brought it home for his wife to try on.
She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit.
But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all.
So she came downstairs completely naked.
"Huh," said the old man, hugging her.
"For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."
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Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from one town to another.
The elephants were connected trunk to tail.
They came along a railroad crossing and as the elephants were halfway across the tracks, a train came along and killed two of them.
Shortly thereafter, B&M Railroad received an invoice from Barnum and Bailey for $10,000.
B&M immediately called Barnum & Bailey and requested an explanation for the charge, writing, "What is the cost of a new elephant?"
Barnum & Bailey responded, "$1,000 each."
B&M responded, "But, we only killed two of them!"
Barnum & Bailey said, "Yes, but you pulled the assholes out of eight others."
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How did Captain Hook die?
He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
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Q: What did the maxi pad say to the fart?
A: You are the wind beneath my wings.
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Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night.
The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks."
The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch."
The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife."
The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"