What is the sharpest thing in the world?
A Fart.
It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.
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Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.
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How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count?
Eminem has to chew before swallowing.
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What's gross?
Farting in the bathtub.
What's grosser than that?
Catching the bubbles with your teeth.
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One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty steamy.
All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand.
She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom.
"Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!"
"I have two words for you -- LET GO!"
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An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table.
Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body.
When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt.
Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt.
Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place.
He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!"
Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery."
When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork.
Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"
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Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?
A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.
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Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
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Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
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Q: Why are men like diapers?
A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
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How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it’s head.
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