If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till i hit the ground? The rest of your life...
How do you know which one is your boss from a crowd of 500 people? You say: “My boss is a stupidest asshole!”
Q: What is height of forgetfulness? A: Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."
The doctor gave me one year to live. So in the heat of the moment, I shot him. And the judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
Toilets are like mothers-in-law: the farther away the better.
How many French men does it take to defend the city of Paris? Don't know...its never been done.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...
I want me a big black girl...the type of woman that sits in the car and it looks like it's got tinted windows.
Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.