If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till i hit the ground? The rest of your life...
You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret? They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
Life Lemons Saying: White Guy: When Life gives you lemons enjoy them with friends. Black Guy: When Life gives you lemons sell them, buy a gun, point it at life and say "More lemons mother Fucker".
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter. To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend's 25, Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend's 26, so if you're single its ok, maybe he's just not born yet.
My dotor told me: "I've tow news for U; one good and the other one bad, which one do U prefer to hear first?" I replied I prefer the good one. Doctor: "U will die after next 24 hours!" I told: "Then what is the bad newsrnDoctor: "I forgot to tell U yesterday!"
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.