Q: How do you recycle a condom? A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.
Another name for a vagina is a cockpit
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
Why did God give women legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind. The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep." So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!" And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."
"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?" "Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common? They both shower after three periods!
Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.
When you're neckin' with yer honey And your nose is kinda runny You might think it's funny... But it's not.