Q: How do you recycle a condom? A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.
It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift. The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers". "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him. The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy." "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also. The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked. "No," said the little girl. So she tasted it again. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "Noooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy."
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar? A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other? A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
Why are a sorority girl and a tampon similar? They are both stuck up cunts.
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.
Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a midget? A: Wow! Your hair smells good!