Q: How do you recycle a condom?
A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.
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An old man and his wife went to the doctor's office.
The doctor asked the man for a blood, urine and feces sample.
The man was slightly deaf and said, "What?"
The doctor said, "I need a blood, urine and feces sample."
The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear, "Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear."
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A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator.
On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."
On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."
The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."
What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
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Why are contipated folks unkind and rude?
Cause they don't give a crap!
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What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated?
"Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
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Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm."
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How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's?
The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
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What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon?
"Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
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Q: Who is brave?
A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!
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A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present.
When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video.
He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video.
On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k.
He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough.
Then she turns to the camera.
"Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
