Did you hear about the man who took Viagra and a laxative at the same time?
He didn't know if he was coming or going.
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An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra.
The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?”
The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.”
The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.”
The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
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How is a soyburger like a dildo?
They're both substitutes for meat.
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An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half.
The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?"
The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other?
A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.
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What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.
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Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water?
A: A soggy butt.
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An 80-year-old man tells his wife, "I'm going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
His wife gets her coat on and says, "I'm going to the doctor, too. If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot."
Q: How did the first man die from using Viagra?
A: The tablet got stuck in his throat and he died from a stiff neck.
I see, said the blind man, peeing into the wind.
It's all coming back to me now.
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How does herpes leave the hospital?
On crotches.
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