Did you hear about the man who took Viagra and a laxative at the same time? He didn't know if he was coming or going.
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
Q: What's worse then finding 10 zombie babies in a garbage can? A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.
A man and his wife went to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Viagra. Seeing the $10 per pill price his wife was astonished - but then realized "it's only going to cost us $30 per year."
Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops? A: Apparently they make you look hard.
Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair.
Q: Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra? A: So sex wouldn't be such a pain in the arse.
A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?" The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips." The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?" Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."
Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory? The police are looking for some hardened criminals!
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire. "Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."