Joke #7572

Do you know what would be sick? If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner. Do you know what would be even worse? If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.
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Q: Did you hear about the redneck who was shooting craps? A: He blew a hole in the toilet.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
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A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
Vote: has 77.71 % from 285 votes. Send joke:
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An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
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3 bums were outside a bar. The first one went in and asked for a fork. The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious. "How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?" "Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."
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What is the sharpest thing in the world? A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.
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Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth? A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.
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Knock knock. Who's there? Urine. Urine who? Urine trouble if you don't open the door.
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A blonde buys a used sports car. However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop. The blonde calls a tow truck. The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again. "What was the matter?" she asks. "Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies. Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
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A cowboy rides in the desert and comes upon a Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm finding out the time -- it is 12:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and thinks, "Wow, it really is 12:15." The cowboy continues and sees another Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm seeing what time it is -- it is 3:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and that is the correct time. The cowboy continues and finds a third Native American lying naked on the ground, masturbating. The cowboy asks what he's doing and he replies, "I'm winding my watch."
Vote: has 66.46 % from 70 votes. Send joke:
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What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby? Threesomes.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
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