Joke #6967

Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself. Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!" Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."

A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."

Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together? A: A redhead with a yeast infection.

How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.

Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise? A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.

What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!

How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party? When the cake jumps out of the girl!

A little old man who's hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can't hear very well, he takes his wife with him. The doctor examines the man and then says, "Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample." The old man turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife replies, "He said he wants your underwear."

Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count? Eminem has to chew before swallowing.