Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself.
Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!"
Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."
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"How are your hemorrhoids?"
"Swell."
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What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
See ya next month.
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I met a girl who used masturbate to 2 girls 1 cup.
And that kids, is how j met your mother.
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What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
It's ass.
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Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse?
A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!
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Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
A: The taste
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I was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door.
He said, "Can I see your ticket please?"
"Not right now" I shouted, "I'm having a shit!"
He said, "I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?"
"No problem," I said, sliding it under. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn."
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Him: "I'm going to come and see you, I don't care about the gas prices or anything I'm coming to no matter what."
Her: "Aw okay, I'm going to get ready."
Him: "I love you, I can't wait to see you, I'm getting ready to leave."
Her: "Okay honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know."
Him: "My car just blew up, I can't come see you."
Her: "Get your friend to bring you, he always does."
Him: "He got shot I can't come, sorry."
Her: "Never mind I'm not on my period, my panties are just red."
Him: "My boy said he is okay, he's going to take me, I'm going."
Her: "I'm really on my period."
Him: "Damn! He got shot again..."
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Joke has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, friendship, love, relationship
What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll?
Bait!
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Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ''Did you s**t your pants?''
"Hell no," Jeff said.
They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse.
"Did you s**t your pants, Jeff?"
"I swear to the God almighty I did not s**t my pants," Jeff said.
So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible.
Fred runs over and pulls down Jeff's pants and says, "I thought you said you didn't s**t your pants?!"
"I didn't." Jeff said.
"They're your pants."
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