Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself. Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!" Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."
Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller? A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
Q: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common? A: You push them both aside when you eat.
Two sperms. The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?" The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
One day in the city a bus driver was making his usual stops. At the first stop a woman came to the front of the bus to get off. She turned to the bus driver and said, "I think I was just molested back there." The bus driver looked at her and said, "Not on my bus. You couldn't have been." So, he lets her off and drives on. He comes to the next stop and another woman comes to the front to get off. She, too, looks at the bus driver and says, "I think I was just molested back there." Now the bus driver thinks that something has to be wrong, to get two complaints like this in one day is just unheard of. He gets up out of his seat and goes to the back of the bus. To his surprise there is a bald guy crawling on the floor on his hands and knees. The bus driver says, "Sir, what are you doing?" The man looks at him and says, "I lost my toupee. I thought I found it twice, but I lost it again."
Knock knock. Who's there? Urine. Urine who? Urine trouble if you don't open the door.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him? A: He came home shit faced.
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!