The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered. "I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said. "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample". After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?" "He needs a pair of your underwear".
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!
Q: How do Columbians develop muscle? A: By pushing drugs.
Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong. He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS! When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
A man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose. “Why not?” asked the man. “Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor. “But I need it really bad,” said the man. “Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor. The man said, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can’t you see? I must have a double dose.” The doctor finally relented saying, “Okay, I’ll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.” On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling. The doctor asked, “What happened to you?” The man said, “No one showed up.”
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? A: The big hand touches the little one.
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.