Joke #7795

How do you make stew out of a leper? Put him in a Jacuzzi and turn it on full.

At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead. The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him. Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd. "Let me at him, I can help him," she says. "What can you do?" ask the rescue people. "We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late." "I can," says the woman. "Stand back!" And she promptly takes off her panties, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face. Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up. "What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed. The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."

Q: What's grosser than gross? A: Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.

Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.

What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.

Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."

Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.

Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea? A: Lots of room.

I met a girl who used masturbate to 2 girls 1 cup. And that kids, is how j met your mother.

Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock today.

Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."