Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind. The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep." So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!" And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."
What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated? "Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time." The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit. She lets him in and says that the lights have to be off. So she turns the light off and starts sucking his dick. All of a sudden he hears the Star Spangled Banner, clear as day. He really wants to know how she is doing this so he flips on the lights. All he sees on the floor is a glass eye.
Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave. The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."
Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
Five liters of bean soup for dinner – let´s spend the night with the gas mask!
Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water? A: Swimmers are farting.