Dad: Hey son want to hear a joke? Son: Yeah! Dad: Pussy. Son: I don't get it. Dad: Exactly...
Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how... An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. Forgot to pay his brain bill. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Surfing in Nebraska. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a casserole. The cheese slid off his cracker. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
10 things men don't say 1)Let's watch Lifetime. 2)Sex is overrated. 3)I don't want to go too far on the first date. 4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you. 5)Don't we owe your mother a visit? 6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down. 7)Dessert goes right to my hips. 8)I hate when I miss Oprah. 9)Does this suit make me look fat? 10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Women prefer the simple things in life… like men.
How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? Two ways to cross a river.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant. "The ball type?" asked the clerk. "No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !" Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."