What's green and yellow and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea.
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A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sex problems.
This prescription makes his dick strong and heathy.
There is only one side effect.
That diet causes he blows many farts daily!
What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag?
1 dead baby in 10 bags.
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Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?
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Q: What's brown and taps on the window?
A: A baby in a microwave!
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A vacuum salesman goes door-to-door in a new neighborhood.
When a woman answers the door at the first house, the salesman walks right in and drops cow patties on her floor.
He says, "Ma'am, just to show you how confident I am in the quality of my vacuums, I'll eat whatever the vacuum doesn't pick up."
The woman smiles and asks, "Could I get you some ketchup with that?"
The salesman scoffs confidently and says, "I assure you my vacuums have more power than any other on the market today!"
The woman replies, "Well, that may be so, but we just moved in and the electricity isn't turned on yet."
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Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
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The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a tour of the city.
After a while they go to the Vatican and meet the Pope.
Grumpy, for once, seems to have a lot to say.
He keeps asking the Pontiff questions about the church and, in particular, the nuns.
"Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?" Grumpy asks.
"No, my son, all of our nuns are at least five feet tall," smiles the Pope.
"Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that are, say, about my height? Maybe a little shorter?"
"I'm afraid not. Why do you ask?"
"No reason," replies Grumpy.
"But you're positive? Nobody in a habit that's about three feet tall, maybe two-and-a-half feet tall?"
"I'm sure, my vertically-challenged son," says the Pope, trying not show his curiosity.
"Okay," moans Grumpy.
So the Pope listens to the dwarves as they leave the building.
"What'd he say? What'd he say?" chant the other six dwarves.
Grumpy mutters, "He said they don't have any."
And the other six start chanting, "Grumpy fucked a penguin! Grumpy fucked a penguin!"
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The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like.
"A cup of boiled water please"
"Water? I thought you guys drank blood"
"Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire while taking out a tampon.
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Why does the witch not wear panties when flying?
Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.
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Q: What is the difference between a gay guy and a fridge?
A: The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the meat.
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