One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her. "If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
Bob: "Hey, Sue, why is there a tampon hanging out of your mouth?" Sue: "Oh my God. What did I do with my cigarette?"
What’s harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree? Nailing it to a dead puppy.
How do you make stew out of a leper? Put him in a Jacuzzi and turn it on full.
A vacuum salesman goes door-to-door in a new neighborhood. When a woman answers the door at the first house, the salesman walks right in and drops cow patties on her floor. He says, "Ma'am, just to show you how confident I am in the quality of my vacuums, I'll eat whatever the vacuum doesn't pick up." The woman smiles and asks, "Could I get you some ketchup with that?" The salesman scoffs confidently and says, "I assure you my vacuums have more power than any other on the market today!" The woman replies, "Well, that may be so, but we just moved in and the electricity isn't turned on yet."
At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs. He replied, "Depends."
Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican midget? A: A spec.
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island. After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself. After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her. After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.
Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...