Joke #8047

A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses. Which hits the ground first? The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!

Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead? A: Depth perception.

Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend? A: He wiped.

One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty steamy. All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand. She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom. "Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!" "I have two words for you -- LET GO!"

What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby? Threesomes.

Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself. Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!" Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."

Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.

A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter. The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?" "Yes, it's at home," replies the man. "To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier. Next day the man goes places two cans of cat food on the counter. "Do you own a cat sir?" asks the cashier. "Yes I do, it's at home," says the man. "Well I am sorry sir. Store policy. I must see the cat before I can sell you cat food," says the cashier. The next day the man returns to the store and walks directly to the same cashier. He has a brown paper bag in his hand. "Here," he says to the cashier, "put your hand in here." The cashier puts her hand in the brown paper bag. "It is all soft and warm," she says. "Yes, that's right," says the man, "I need to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time." The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit. She lets him in and says that the lights have to be off. So she turns the light off and starts sucking his dick. All of a sudden he hears the Star Spangled Banner, clear as day. He really wants to know how she is doing this so he flips on the lights. All he sees on the floor is a glass eye.

Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."

How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party? When the cake jumps out of the girl!