A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses.
Which hits the ground first?
The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
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Do you know what would be sick?
If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner.
Do you know what would be even worse?
If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.
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You might be a redneck if you think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
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Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
A: Lots of room.
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Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
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A guy walks into a bar and announces that he can close his eyes and name what kind of alcohol he is drinking and how old it is, just by taste and smell.
A drunken guy at the bar says, "I bet I can give you a drink that you can't name."
"You're on," replies the guy, "as long as you pay."
So the drunken guy puts a drink on the table.
The guy sips it, gags and spits it out.
"This tastes like piss!"
"Yeah," says the drunken guy, "now guess how old I am."
Q: Why did the referee stop the leper hockey game?
A: There was a face-off in the corner.
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Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten
inch penis?
A: "Partially disabled."
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Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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What’s sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.
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