A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses. Which hits the ground first? The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.
Why did God give women legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick." The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common? A: They just didn't listen
An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? A: Kids don't eat broccoli.
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder? A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!