Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
A: Lots of room. 
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Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from one town to another.
The elephants were connected trunk to tail.
They came along a railroad crossing and as the elephants were halfway across the tracks, a train came along and killed two of them.
Shortly thereafter, B&M Railroad received an invoice from Barnum and Bailey for $10,000.
B&M immediately called Barnum & Bailey and requested an explanation for the charge, writing, "What is the cost of a new elephant?"
Barnum & Bailey responded, "$1,000 each."
B&M responded, "But, we only killed two of them!"
Barnum & Bailey said, "Yes, but you pulled the assholes out of eight others."
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Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
A: Gulp.
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Yo Mama so hairy, when she shaved her legs, your dad thought she got a new carpet.
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One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!”
The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”
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Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg?
Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go. We're only half way down the esophagus.
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Zeke: Why were the swimming elephants thrown out of the Olympics?
Kyle: I haven't a clue.
Zeke: Because they couldn't keep their trunks up!
Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job?
A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.
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Q: Why do they say elephants never forget?
A: They haven't met Alberto Gonzalez.
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My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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