The housing market crashed because Chuck thought he was paying too much property tax.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant? A: He's had a loophole named after him.
Even though telemarketers are slightly less beloved than dentists and tax auditors, that's the job my friend took during his summer vacation. Halfway through one of his sales pitches, he heard a clicking at the other end of the line. Thinking the man may have hung up, he asked, "Are you still there?" "Yeah, still here," said the man. "Sorry, I heard a click and I thought you'd been disconnected." "No," the man said, "that would sound more like this." He then proceeded to show me what it would sound like by slamming down the phone.
A meteor did not kill the dinosaurs, Chuck Norris just went on a hunting trip.
Chuck Norris is the only person to know pi, because when he puts it into the calculator, the calculator doesn't dare give him only part of it.
Chuck Norris would have attacked the Death Star with the Shield Generator still up.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
The earth doesn't revolve around the sun. It's the sun that revolves around Chuck Norris.