Joke #8226

Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
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has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, Valentines day

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A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery. As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!" "No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
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has 64.43 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: animal, couple, disgusting, god, Valentines day
If there are two people in an elevator and one of them farts everybody knows who did it.
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An evening of Valentine's Day. A man comes to a drug store: "Good evening!" "Sorry, we are sold out..."
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has 47.05 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: drug, sex, Valentines day
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
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has 72.80 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, Valentines day
How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day? You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.
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has 22.40 % from 182 votes. More jokes about: black humor, chocolate, dead baby, morbid, Valentines day
Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
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has 30.11 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, god
Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: bird, disgusting, holiday, winter
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
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has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been dating very long, it was a very difficult decision. After careful consideration, he decided a good gift would be a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves. His sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time. The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up. The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the panties. The young man mailed his Valentine's Day gift with the following note: "This special Valentines Day gift was chosen because I noticed you are in the habit of not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove. These are a lovely shade, the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely." I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again." When you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I'll be kissing them in the future. I hope you'll wear them Friday night for me." Love, Cuddle Bear PS: The sales lady says the latest style is to wear them folded down with just a little fur showing.
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has 84.71 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: customer service, family, love, time, Valentines day
Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valen-tiny!
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has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: communication, Valentines day