Joke #8226

Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
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has 33.50 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, Valentines day

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A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery. As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!" "No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
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has 72.77 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: animal, couple, disgusting, god, Valentines day
I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
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has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, technology, Valentines day, wife
Knock-knock. Who is there? Stopwatch. Stopwatch who? Stopwatch you're doing and have a happy Valentines Day!
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has 28.86 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, Valentines day, work
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
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has 41.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, disgusting, health
So that there be less strife May your dreams be sweet And your ass does not tweet tonight.
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has 36.82 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, poems, vulgar
Valentines Slogans 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
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has 49.54 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, love, money, sex, Valentines day
How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day? You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.
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has 21.67 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: black humor, chocolate, dead baby, morbid, Valentines day
What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated? "Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. "What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
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has 59.08 % from 285 votes. More jokes about: marriage, romantic, Valentines day
Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl? A: Her-She Kisses.
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: food, Valentines day, women