Joke #8226

Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
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has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, Valentines day

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A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery. As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!" "No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
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has 64.43 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: animal, couple, disgusting, god, Valentines day
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, love, Valentines day
Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl? A: Her-She Kisses.
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has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: food, Valentines day, women
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby? Threesomes.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
What's small, and red, and full of holes? A baby on a bed of nails.
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
How many dead babies can fit in a barrel? 4 1/2.
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has 24.44 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valen-tiny!
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has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: communication, Valentines day
Hallmark would make "Sorry I don't remember your name" cards. If your girlfriend really needs to talk to you during the game, she'll appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would complete a break up. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Instead of an engagement ring, you could surprise your fiance with a giant "You're #1!" foam hand. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.
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has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: game, marriage, Valentines day
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion. You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
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has 37.14 % from 292 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, disgusting, morbid
A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones. Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor. He added a card and proceeded home. After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift. She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."
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has 74.49 % from 235 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, romantic, Valentines day, wife