As I stand here, and try to piss,
I think of the gal that gave me this.
If I see her, when I get well,
I'll get it again.
As sure as Hell.
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My ex girlfriend has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh.
If you put your ear up to it... you can smell the ocean.
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child?
A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there.
They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him, "The men with really big dicks and the girls with really, really big boobs were both really, really dumb."
When they got to the beach they split up.
Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was.
The boy said, ''Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, dumb blonde, and the longer they talked, the dumber he got.''
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police.
The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man.
"Is there a fat bird in my car?"
Based on statistics, the most used s*xual position among married couples is doggy style...
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.
When do boys ask for a girl’s hand?
When they get bored by theirs!
An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Roma.
While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde.
So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while…
He climaxes loudly.
Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. you finish?” After a slight pause.
She replies, “No.”
Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first… and this time completing the deed with even louder shouts.
Again he rolls over, lights a cigarette, and asks, “So…. you finish?”
And again, after a short pause, she simply says “No.”
Stunned, but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he once again puts out the cigarette, and mounts his companion du jour.
This time, with all the strength he could muster up, he barely manages to end the task, but he does, after quite some time and energy is spent.
Barely able to roll over, he reaches for his cigarette … lights it again, and then asks tiredly, “So… you finish?”
“No. I’m Swedish.”
A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome.
Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.