A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
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A: The taste
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A: A Shih-Tzpoo.
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When you're neckin' with yer honey
And your nose is kinda runny
You might think it's funny...
But it's not.
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Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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How does herpes leave the hospital?
On crotches.
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Bill and John, in their 80's decided to visit the Madam for one last sexual encounter.
The Madam noticed Bill and John approaching, she quickly prepared 2 blow-up dolls, placing one in each room on the bed.
Bill and John told the Madam that "We are here for the last time".
The Madam sent Bill upstairs to the room on the left and John to the room on the right.
After an hour Bill and John left the rooms, paid the Madam and left.
Bill and John were very quiet until Bill said: "How was yours"?
John said, "I think she was dead".
John said, "How was yours"?
Bill said, "I think she was a witch".
John replied, "How did you know she was a witch"?
Bill said, "Well I got on top of her, bit her nipple, she farted and flew out the window."
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A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
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There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out.
The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string.
When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!"
"I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!"
The man agreed and went into his room.
Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string.
The woman said, "You're going out as that?"
"Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."
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Why are contipated folks unkind and rude?
Cause they don't give a crap!
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Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet?
A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
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