Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?"
Chuck Norris is your daddy.
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Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
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Jesus is the son of God.
God is the son of Chuck Norris.
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A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident.
"Douchebag!" the father yells.
A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son.
"Your father just said a bad word," he says.
"I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?"
His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
I like black people . . .
. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!
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A black hole is created when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a sun.
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Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life.
When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
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Chuck Norris doesn't tell lies. He changes facts.
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A family walks into a talent agency.
It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog.
The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act.
You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
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Originally it was called 'Chuck Norris Mode' but he decided to let god have that one because Chuck Norris is humble like that.
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Simon doesn't say... Chuck Norris says.
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