Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?"
Chuck Norris is your daddy.
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Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
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Jesus is the son of God.
God is the son of Chuck Norris.
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Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.
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Chuck Norris can tie your hands behind your back with both hands tied behind his back.
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Dad: What is the opposite of ladyfingers?
The family: No idea
Dad: Mentos
Chuck Norris doesn't run out of patience, patience runs out of him from fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.
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Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?"
And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
"Mommy! Do Angels fly?"
"Yes, they do my love!"
"Then, when will our nanny fly? Dad calls her 'My Angel' all the time!"
"Tomorrow, my child, she'll fly as far as she goes..."
Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him.
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*Girl is crying*
Dad: Why you crying?
Girl: My boyfriend dumped me!
Dad: (Grabs shot gun) I'll be back.. A while later dad comes back
Girl: What the hell! why did you go kill him!
Dad: I didn't
Girl: Where did you go?
Dad: To get you icecream :D
Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun?!
Dad: So I could get it for free!