One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap." The other man says, "Who?" The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."
An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
Q: What's worse then finding 10 zombie babies in a garbage can? A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist? A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
What does a cannibal eat with cheese? Pickled organs.
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay? A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.
Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.