Joke #8311

One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap." The other man says, "Who?" The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."

At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs. He replied, "Depends."

I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.

A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentaly dropps some BB from the shelf into the batter. She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake. Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs. The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I pissed out a beebee!" She says "That's okay, son. I accidentaly dropped some beebees into the cake batter. You'll be fine." Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine." Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine." But then son says, "No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"

Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl? A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? A: Gulp.

What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.

Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend? A: He wiped.

Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."

Q: Who is brave? A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!

So that there be less strife May your dreams be sweet And your ass does not tweet tonight.