At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs.
He replied, "Depends."
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Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
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What’s harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
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Three men walk into a bar.
The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.
Finally, the third man goes down.
When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.
He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.
Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans.
Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.
When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke.
She said sure, so he went to the restroom.
The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre.
When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line.
So he figures he can wait until he drops her off.
When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, "Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them."
He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point.
They go in and sit down at the table.
Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time.
As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart.
The girl's father stands up and hollers "Duke!" and sits back down.
"Great!" he thought.
"They really think it's the dog!"
So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers.
Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts "Duke!" and sits back down.
Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room.
The girl's father stands up again. "Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!"
If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.
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One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street.
They had been friends in school but had lost touch over time.
They used sign language to catch up on old times.
Through the course of conversation one of the deaf-mutes learned the other had learned to speak and was no longer mute.
This amazed the fellow that was still mute and he asked about the procedure.
His friend gave him the doctor's card and went on his way.
The deaf mute wasted no time and went straight to the doctor's office.
The doctor informed the procedure took 26 days and cost one million dollars.
The man handed the doc his insurance card and begged the doctor to start the treatment that day.
The doctor had the man strip and lay over the examination table.
The doctor went to his closet and took out a bucket of mayonnaise and a broom handle with a door knob on the end.
The doc got a running start and shoved the mayonaise covered door knob up the deaf-mute's ass.
The mute screamed,"AY!AY!AY!"
The doctor said,"very good we will work on the B's tomorrow."
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What’s funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
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Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?
A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.
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