At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs.
He replied, "Depends."
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How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
4 1/2.
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One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!”
The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”
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Two flies sit on a pile of poop.
One fly passes gas.
The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
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Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh.
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A guy admired the hair of three girls.
He walked by one and asked, "How'd you get such lovely blonde hair"
Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl answered, "It's natural."
The guy walked by the second girl and asked, "How'd you get such pretty brown hair?"
Fluffing her hair, the second girl said, "It's natural."
Finally the guy approached the third girl and asked, "How'd you get such cool green hair?"
Taking her hand and rubbing it up past her nose, then skimming it through the hair, she said, "It's natural."
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Prostitute 1: Tonight's my night I can smell c**k in the air.
Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.
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At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets.
A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement."
Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies.
"The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter.
"That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands."
The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?"
The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."
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Two sperms.
The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?"
The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
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Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend?
A: He wiped.
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What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
See ya next month.
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