Joke #8365

At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs. He replied, "Depends."

Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads? So you can pick them up five at a time

An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."

"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?" "Sure, why do you ask." "I was going to offer you some toast." "How kind of... I'll accept." "Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger." "You're right about that!" "Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"

A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."

How did the live baby escape from a room filled with with zombie babies? He ate his way out.

Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan? A: One dead person in ten trashcans!

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Did you hear about the man who drank 5 gallons of tea? He drowned in his teepee!

Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."