At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs.
He replied, "Depends."
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Q: Why are men like diapers?
A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
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What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
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Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
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You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.
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"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire.
"Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
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Never hold in a fart; that's something an asshole would do.
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The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a tour of the city.
After a while they go to the Vatican and meet the Pope.
Grumpy, for once, seems to have a lot to say.
He keeps asking the Pontiff questions about the church and, in particular, the nuns.
"Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?" Grumpy asks.
"No, my son, all of our nuns are at least five feet tall," smiles the Pope.
"Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that are, say, about my height? Maybe a little shorter?"
"I'm afraid not. Why do you ask?"
"No reason," replies Grumpy.
"But you're positive? Nobody in a habit that's about three feet tall, maybe two-and-a-half feet tall?"
"I'm sure, my vertically-challenged son," says the Pope, trying not show his curiosity.
"Okay," moans Grumpy.
So the Pope listens to the dwarves as they leave the building.
"What'd he say? What'd he say?" chant the other six dwarves.
Grumpy mutters, "He said they don't have any."
And the other six start chanting, "Grumpy fucked a penguin! Grumpy fucked a penguin!"
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Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?
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Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.
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