This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.
Now I'm afraid to pee.
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.
Vote:
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one.
After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck.
The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm.
"But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend.
"Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
Vote:
There was a man who just got out of the army.
He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house.
He told the women, "Gimme anything you got."
So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside."
She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom.
10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again.
He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?"
She says, "I picked off all the scabs."
Vote:
How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
Vote:
Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?"
A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I DID.. want to complain to me?"
"No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"
What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon.
What's grosser than that?
Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar.
What's grosser than that?
When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face.
You want to know what's grosser than that?
When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner.
But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.
Vote:
Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
Vote:
One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street.
They had been friends in school but had lost touch over time.
They used sign language to catch up on old times.
Through the course of conversation one of the deaf-mutes learned the other had learned to speak and was no longer mute.
This amazed the fellow that was still mute and he asked about the procedure.
His friend gave him the doctor's card and went on his way.
The deaf mute wasted no time and went straight to the doctor's office.
The doctor informed the procedure took 26 days and cost one million dollars.
The man handed the doc his insurance card and begged the doctor to start the treatment that day.
The doctor had the man strip and lay over the examination table.
The doctor went to his closet and took out a bucket of mayonnaise and a broom handle with a door knob on the end.
The doc got a running start and shoved the mayonaise covered door knob up the deaf-mute's ass.
The mute screamed,"AY!AY!AY!"
The doctor said,"very good we will work on the B's tomorrow."
Vote:
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
Vote:
Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ''Did you s**t your pants?''
"Hell no," Jeff said.
They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse.
"Did you s**t your pants, Jeff?"
"I swear to the God almighty I did not s**t my pants," Jeff said.
So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible.
Fred runs over and pulls down Jeff's pants and says, "I thought you said you didn't s**t your pants?!"
"I didn't." Jeff said.
"They're your pants."
Vote: