Joke #3538

A bunch of new recruits are making their first parachute jump. The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord. When you get to the drop zone, there'll be trucks waiting to take you back to the base. Move out!" As scared as they are, they all make it out the door. The last recruit jumps out and slowly counts to 10 -- nothing. He frantically fumbles around and finds the emergency handle. He jerks on the cord, and it comes off in his hand. Raising his head to the heavens, he screams, "I bet them trucks ain't waiting either!!"

How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.

Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic. Alex was crying very loudly. Johnny: Why are you crying? Alex: I came here for a blood test. Johnny: So? Are you afraid? Alex: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and Alex asked: Why are you crying now? Johnny: I came for a urine test!

What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.

What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape? The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.

Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? A: Hey y'all... Watch this!

There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

Old man: "Can you give me an erection?" Faith Healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the 'dead'."

Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.

The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.

Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?