Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing:
"Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…"
"What did you see?"
"I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…"
"Wow horror!"
"Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Vote:
Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
Vote:
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Vote:
I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped.
Saved myself a fiver.
Vote:
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.
And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He’s a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly.
"Oh, gracious me…" says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
Vote:
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
Vote:
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force?
He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Vote:
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.
Vote:
What do you call a black woman thats had 5 or more abortions?
Crime fighter.
Vote: