Joke #8817

Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing: "Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…" "What did you see?" "I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…" "Wow horror!" "Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"
Vote:
has 67.50 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: black humor

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag? 1 dead baby in 10 bags.
Vote:
has 45.49 % from 168 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, disgusting, morbid
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
Vote:
has 67.15 % from 184 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, morbid
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
Vote:
has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
Vote:
has 57.26 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: airplane, baby, black humor
Why are little girls better than little boys? Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.
Vote:
has 46.67 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: black humor, kids
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Vote:
has 70.55 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Vote:
has 75.21 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't. Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help. So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
Vote:
has 71.59 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, church, kids, love
My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
Vote:
has 66.62 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: black humor
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"
Vote:
has 80.99 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, death, management, military