Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing: "Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…" "What did you see?" "I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…" "Wow horror!" "Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.
Q: Why do old Jews have outhouses? A: Because their afraid of the showers.
How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.
Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? A: He didn't have any arms.
A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before." The legless man shakes his head. Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before." The legless man shakes his head again. Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before." The legless man says, "No." The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
Black Jokes are not funny I have a black guy in my family way up in my family tree. He's been hanging there for quite a while.