Joke #8817

Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing: "Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…" "What did you see?" "I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…" "Wow horror!" "Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"

What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.

What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’

Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...

Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot? A: A baby with a razor!

How are babies and the elderly alike? Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.

Want to hear a clean joke? The boy took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man.

In a monastery senior sister announces to other sisters: I have a good and a bad news for you. The good one is that they have broughts to use a lot of carrots. All the sisters start whistling happily. But one of them asks: What are the bad news? Carrots came grated.