Joke #8817

Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing: "Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…" "What did you see?" "I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…" "Wow horror!" "Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"

I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.

I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks". How right they were.

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is.

Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day. It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.

There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.

My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.

Johny went to the butchery, because he wanted to buy a little brain, so he has asked the saleswoman: "have you got a little brain?" The saleswoman has said: "yes, we have." Johny has asked her: "and is the little brain still fresh?" The saleswoman has said: "yes, yesterday he has successfully solved the crossword puzzles."

Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.

Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter? It sure gave them something to chew over.

Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.