Joke #3172

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

Five Important Qualities 1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."

Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.

If you catch a man…throw him back.

Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags. The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?" "Just sand," replied Jose.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.

I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.

How are men like noodles? They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.