Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife? A: Let him keep her!
Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.
Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down.
Question: Why do men fart more than women? Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Alex an Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colour to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue." The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?" The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwi's laying the turf out front."
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A. They already have boyfriends.
A man had a party where all the rich people attend. And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes. But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive. So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?" The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in..."
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears? Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.