How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
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Three couples are having a picnic.
One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey."
The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar."
Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Q: Why are men so happy?
A: Because ignorance is bliss.
What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year?
"Forty-eight years old."
There once was a fellow from Kent
Who had such a long instrument.
To stay out of trouble
He folded it double.
And instead of coming he went.
A man in a pub asks for a beer.
The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."
"One dollar?" exclaims the man.
Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"
"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars."
"Two dollars?" cries the man.
"You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.