How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
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A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."
A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
Q: What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve?
A: Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.
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This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention.
It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk.
"What do you call it?"
"A fottle, replies the inventor."
"A fottle?
That's a stupid!
Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it.
I've got something else though.
It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies the inventor.
"That's rude.
You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says the inventor...
"You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...
"Go get your Mother."
How many men would it take to mop a floor?
No one knows; they've never done it.
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.