How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
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A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back.
When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back.
The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."
The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back.
The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor.
The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
A man had a party where all the rich people attend.
And the he had a pool with alligators.
So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes.
But no one wanted to go for the challenge.
All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive.
So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?"
The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in..."
A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!"
A second man walks into the same bar.
You would think after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it coming.
What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word:
"I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.