How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
I’ve know John a long time and am considered a bit of a father figure to him.
I have watched him crawl around on his knees, drink from a bottle and I’ve cleaned up after him but enough about the Bachelor Party.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Vote:
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart.
I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement.
Simply devastated.
Won’t you please consider coming back to me?
You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill.
I can never marry another woman quite like you.
I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning?
I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.
A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately.
If only men would listen...
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?