How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
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How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
The hero always gets his man in the end.
Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra?
Now he's hard up.
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Because there are blonde men too!
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs.
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, “You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”
“What dear?” She asked gently.
“I think you bring me bad luck.”
Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?
A: He is all right now.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'
So he gave me a kite.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
"You grant wishes right?"
"Yes." replies the genie.
"Hmm, I'd like a million bucks."
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
"Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!"
His friends sitting at the table replies,
"Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"