4 reasons why I curse
1) Because I fucking want to.
2) Because I fucking can.
3) Because I don't give a fuck.
4) Because my mom isn't around.
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Q: What is a difference between Ooooh and Aaaah?
A: Only 3 inches.
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Hey guys.
Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button.
Thank me later.
China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
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Charlie marries a virgin.
On their wedding night, he's on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her.
"Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table."
So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?"
"Much better!" she replies with a smile.
"Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Are you a candle?
Because I want to blow you.
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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What did the flower say to be the bee?
"Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless."
Doc: "How? Give me an example."
Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my dick."
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