4 reasons why I curse
1) Because I fucking want to.
2) Because I fucking can.
3) Because I don't give a fuck.
4) Because my mom isn't around.
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Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.
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Me: Can I call an officer a pussy?
Cop: No.
Me: Can I call a pussy 'officer?'
Cop: I guess you could...
Me: Goodnight, officer
Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?"
"Bread"
"Yes"
"Hamburger"
"Ok"
A five years girl answered "Light",
"Omg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?"
"Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep?
A: When the big hand touches the small one.
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A bloke asks his mate "do you ever talk to your wife during sex ?"
His mate replies "yeah, if she calls."
A guy orders spaghetti in a restaurant.
In the middle of eating he finds a hair in his food.
He says to the waiter, "I'm not paying for this dirty meal," and walks out.
The waiter watches the guy go into a whorehouse.
The waiter waits about 10 minutes, bursts through the door and finds the guy with his face buried in p**sy.
The waiter says, "You eat p**sy and complain about one hair in your spaghetti."
The man replies, "Yeah, and if I find any spaghetti in this p**sy, I'm not paying for it either."
The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house.
He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
Two gays were at a dance.
As they were jigging about the floor with each other.
Two massive guys entered the hall 6 foot 6 20 stone and full of muscle One gay asked his mate "Is that the bouncers that have just come in?"
"No" grinned the other,"That's the raffle."
Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?
A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.
A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
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