4 reasons why I curse 1) Because I fucking want to. 2) Because I fucking can. 3) Because I don't give a fuck. 4) Because my mom isn't around.
A young man walks into a bar and orders a Kamikaze. As soon as he is severed he slams it down. And before the bartender can walk away he calls out I need a shot of Tequila. So the bat tender pours the tequila. And no sooner than he is server he slam it back and then the young man asks for a shot of Gin. The bar tender compiles with the request, and out of curiosity asks the young man are you celebrating? The young man nods, and says quietly mt first blow job. The bartender smiles and says I remember my first. The young man looks up and says so how did you get rid of that taste?
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own. The man quickly agreed. The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for to bear would he please let the doctor know. The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more. The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him. The couple took the new baby home. There, on the front step, the mailman lay dead.
Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet. She is funny, s*xy and flirty. Now she tells me she is an undercover cop. How cool is that at her age!
Q: Why do dogs lick their balls? A: Because they can. Q: So why do they stick their noses in women's crotches? A: Same reason.
There was a guy and he went to the doctor and he showed the doctor his dick. He asked why it was orange and the doctor replyed: Have you been doing anything unusual? And he said: No. So the doctor ran so tests then he sent the guy home told him to come back in 2 weeks. So he did and it was even oranger so once again the doctor asked: Have you been doing anything at all unusual? And the guy said: Well about 2 weeks ago I was watching porno and eating a bag of crunchy cheetos.
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said "what we are going to do today class is, I am going to give you a letter and I want someone to raise their hand and if l call on you l want you to give me a word that begins with that letter. So The teacher says "A" and Little Johnny immediately raises his hand but the teacher knows he will say asshole so she calls on Little Mary and she says "apple." "Very good" the teacher replied. "Okay, how about the letter B" Little Johnny once again immediately raises his hand and says "please please pick me" so the teacher thinks for a moment and inside her head knows he'll say bitch or bastard, so she skips over Little Johnny and calls on Little Brad and Little Brad replies "boat." "Very good Brad" the teacher says. "Now how about C" the teacher asks. Immediately Little Johnny's eyes light up and this time says "oh pick me, pick me l know one" the teacher instantly goes right to Little Bobby and he says "car." "That's a good one Bobby." So the teacher does the same thing with the letter D and ignores Little Jonny raising his hand. Now the teacher says "You're all doing a great job class, how about E" this time Little Johnny stands up waving his arms begging for a chance. So the teacher pauses for a solid 10 to 15 seconds and can't think of one bad word that begins with the letter E. So she reluctantly calls on Little Johnny and Little Johnny very nicely and calmly says "Elephant" and before the much-relieved teacher can even exhale, Little Johnny puts both hands up out in front of himself approximately two feet apart and yells out "with a fucking cock this big!
A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."
I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang". I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."
Q: What did the prositutes knee say to the other? A: Nothing. They have never met.