4 reasons why I curse
1) Because I fucking want to.
2) Because I fucking can.
3) Because I don't give a fuck.
4) Because my mom isn't around.
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One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in s*x.
Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills.
He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how it's working.
So she takes the pills home and puts one pill in her husband's Christmas dinner.
That night, they make love for one hour.
The next day, she's running around thrilled and happy.
"Oh, my God. I can't believe how well that worked," she thinks to herself.
That night she puts two pills in his food and that night they make love for two hours.
The next day, she's even more thrilled, so she dumps all the pills in his food.
Two weeks go by without any word from this woman, so Santa decides to give her a call.
A little boy answers the phone.
Santa says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"
"No, she's...who's this?" the little boy asks.
"I'm a friend of your mother's and I gave her some pills to help her out a couple of weeks ago. Maybe you know how it's going?"
"That was you?!" the little boy says.
"Let me tell you. Mom's dead, sister's pregnant, my ass hurts and Dad's in the attic going, 'Here kitty, kitty, kitty. "
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
a lickalotapus.
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
Dear Husband,
I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me.
Love, Dishes
There once was a girl named Pinkie who desired to have a little inky,
when the notion of the motion was planted,
in her dinky little head.
With her butt in the air,
while the man in the sidecar tattooed her derriere 100 miles per hour down I 45 to bike fest.
Drunk and stupid and would not listen,
smeared beyond recognition,
she said it was Tinker Bell but we couldn't tell O well.
A little boy about nine or ten, was siting on Santa's lap.
Santa pointed his finger in the boys face, and said, " George I know what you want for Christmas! A T-O-Y."
"Nope!" replied George.
Then again, pointing his finger in the boys face, "You want C-A-N-D-Y."
"Nope!" replied George.
"Then just what the hell do you want," ask Santa.
George looked Santa in the face, pointing his finger, "I want some P-U-S-S-Y! And don't tell me that you don't have any. Because I can smell it on your finger!"
Q: Ever had sex while camping?
A: It's fucking intents.
What is the geographical definition of s*x?
Ans: It is an action done by the polland in the holland between the thailand with the little help of greece.